Why am I hurt?

If you are looking for a sign to get out of bed, take a shower, walk outside, or a simple reminder that you are important: Here it is! This is your sign!

Today’s life lesson: Why am I hurt?

We all know how similar, and different, we are in our physical states, but how often do we take the time to note how similar and/or different we are internally? The way we think and react is all a reflection of what we’ve been through, in some form. We need to learn how to feel: the good, the bad, and the ugly.

Also, remember that we aren’t the only ones going through things, so here’s your not so subtle reminder to be a ray of sunshine, because someone may need it.

Today, I want to dive in a little deep on broken hearts.

Whether it be from a relationship, work, church, family…

I think we have all dealt with hurt hearts.

[I will preface this post with the fact that I don’t really think that just being hurt teaches life lessons, but I do think life teaches you lessons after you become willing to dissect those painful experiences. One way to figure out what those lessons are meant to teach you, is to learn why you hurt.]

Focus on pinpointing your hurt.

Why do we feel the way we feel about things?

Why do we hurt?

Okay, so, let’s get started:

We basically all have the same functioning bodies, right?

As in, by textbook definition, we all walk fairly the same, sit down in the same manner, learn how to ride a bike the same way…

The way we physically function, given no health problems, is pretty dang similar.

*But, is it?*

If we talked to a physical therapist, or even your high school anatomy teacher, I’m pretty sure they would be quick to tell you that there are, although (arguably) a small amount of, ways our bodies complete functions differently.

Bare with me, here:

The way you follow through with your simplistic, daily tasks can be drastically different than how I choose to. Now, not necessarily how our body digest food, or how we all need working hearts to function, but in regular things:

Next time you are walking in a group of people, pay closer attentions to each person’s movements. You will probably be able to quickly notice how each individual’s gate appears different. But, nonetheless, they’re all just walking.

If you are saying the same words as someone from a different country, or state for that matter, you will probably notice a difference. Although y’all are both holding a conversation, some words (due to language, dialect, or accent) sound significantly different when compared.

If we both break the same bone, by the same action, it’s H I G H L Y unlikely that each fiber of our bones separated the same way.

Even how we tie our shoes… everyone gets a knot, but not everyone was taught to tie with “two bunny ears”.

amiright or am i right?

Literally getting the same things done, but different completion methods.

That’s basically how our minds work, individually.

We all have feelings- about everything. But the way we feel about them may be completely different. How I would handle a situation could be very different than the way you would choose to handle it.

You may be street smart, book smart, common sense smart, study smart, criminally smart, all of the above smart, none of the above smart…

But, you know that not everyone holds the same exact brain power, or intelligence as you, right? Obviously, our brains all hold different information.

If every thing about us makes us… well, ‘us’, why aren’t we paying more attention to how we individually feel about things?

Why do we expect everyone to feel the same way about things?

Yes, anatomically and biologically speaking, every person’s brain controls their body. (Don’t worry- I’m not going into the actual science of this. That is not my forte.)

But, our mental state is what controls our emotions, reactions, & happiness. Fitting enough, these are the topics I want to focus on.

I think we all know that a mental state is more than a brain.

Your brain causes you to think of things and shows how in depth you can process them (anatomical/psychological/intelligence/tangible).

Whereas, your mental state could reflect in how you think of said things and why you think so in depth on them (psychological/sociological/feelings/intangible).

Our mental state is what controls our emotions, reactions, happiness…

Take care of yourself. Keep a healthy mental state. Know your feelings about the things you go through, or the things you are faced with. Process those feelings, and then learn from them. Repeat cycle.

I really do think how we show our feelings directly reflects our mental state. The healthier we are mentally, the more in tune we are with ourselves, and the better we will be at handling situations.

On the flip side, the more we let our mental state deteriorate, the less likely we are going to be to handle situations in an effective manner, as well as overall be better. We lose drive when we don’t recognize our why and our wants.

And, unfortunately, society has made it so ‘cool‘ to pretend like we don’t care about anything or anyone, that we’ve forgotten how important it is to be in tune with our feelings.

(Meaning, we give ‘feelings’ a negative connotation, but feelings are valid.)

And it’s not just about falling in love.

We feel particular ways about EVERY SINGLE THING that happens in our life.

Some feelings are overbearing, and some are gone within a seconds passing, but the feelings are there. Why aren’t we actively choosing to recognize them?

Note 1: We all feel things differently.

“I feel things differently, in comparison to the way other people may feel them.”

First things first: stop letting other people tell you how you should feel about a situation.

(Please note that this does not apply to therapy. I’m primarily talking about a situation, for example, when your significant other maybe does something you don’t like, and rather than communicating with them, you seek random opinions on the situation instead of figuring it out for yourself.)

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that advice is bad, or that talking to people is wrong. But you can’t just let someone tell you how to feel. They can listen to you, and guide you on what they would do in your situation, but your feelings are valid, too. They are what you have to work with, so you have to have an understanding of how you feel the way you feel about situations you are placed in or with.

“Okay, Jess. So, why? Why do we feel differently? Why do we react differently? Why don’t we think the same?”

Every single encounter you have, with everything/everyone around you, influences who you are. (Who you are meaning how you think, how you define yourself, how you see others, what you think about certain things, what you judge, why you judge…)

Every interaction you have with a Christian influences your perception of Christians.

Every interaction you have with a college student influences your perception of college students.

Every interaction you have with a business owner influences your perception of business owners.

I mean, you get my drift, right?

Life happens around us non-stop.

In turn, our minds are constantly pulling things in and letting things go, without us even realizing it.

The problem with this is that everything we magnetize too, even without realization, has the power to change a minute part of who we are.

You have to be aware of what situations do to you: how do things make you feel.

You have to know who you, actively practice recognizing who you are, to be better.

So, in closing, I’ll leave you with this:

Focus on what you feel, how you feel it, and why you feel it- about everything. Are you happy? Hurting? Stuck on having been hurt? Just coping?

Whether we are talking about something that happened 10 years ago that still eats at you, or just a temporary problem you are trying to run by: figure out how you feel about it.

Do you feel that way because of something else that happened? Something someone maybe said? Maybe someone didn’t say enough.

Your feelings are valid- pinpoint them.

Maybe you aren’t stuck in a current dilemma. Hats off to you!!

I still encourage you to get in tune with your feelings. Even just your everyday feelings. If you can pay attention to the casual feelings you have, it will be easier to stay in tune with your feelings if you do have to go through something emotional or draining.

Knowing how you feel automatically gives you a step up on finding resolutions.