How to Stop Self-Sabotaging your Life

If you are trying to really figure out how to stop self sabotaging your life, you’re in the right spot.

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If you are looking for a sign to get out of bed, take a shower, walk outside, or a simple reminder that you are important: Here it is! This is your sign!

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How to Stop Self-Sabotaging

PODCAST EPISODE AVAILABLE

*This post contains affiliate links. I do receive a small commission if you purchase a product using my link, with no addition cost to you! I promise that Becoming the Best Self will never promote anything that has not been used, fully looked into, or that we do not fully support!*

Hey, guys! I seriously recommend reading this post AND listening to our podcast corresponding to it! We bring a little bit of a different approach to each!

If you didn’t know, Becoming the Best Self is continuing our series on self sabotage. We have discussed what it is, why we do it, and how to recognize it. Today, we’re going to finally talk about how to stop self sabotaging!

If you think you may be self-sabotaging your life, work, goals, or relationship(s), I promise you- you’re in the right place.

 (Oh, and! Make sure you become our email friend by clicking here. This way, you can stay up to date throughout this series. We’ll let you know each time a new post is up and give you even more tips than these posts provide. Also, you’ll get first dibs on our freebies and products!)

How to Stop Self-Sabotaging in 3 quick steps

Okay, I may be exaggerating with the “quick” part. But, let’s be real- no real growth comes quickly!

Although it may take some work, I’m going to give you 3 (pretty easy) steps that will teach you how to stop self-sabotaging your happiness, growth, and success. Let’s get started.

Step 1. Recognize your self-sabotaging behavior(s).

If you’ve kept up with our blog or podcast for any amount of time, I know you have this concept drilled into your head. But, I’ll say it again: we have to recognize who we are and what we’re doing to be able to change our life.

How can you expect to grow, succeed, and flourish if you aren’t willing to step back and see what’s currently stopping you from living your dreams?

So, if you think you hindering your own abilities, you have to first recognize what you’re doing wrong. That’s when you’ll be able to begin to stop self-sabotaging.

Since we have an entire post in relation to how exactly you can recognize self-sabotaging behavior, I’m not going to elaborate on it now. 

But, we are going to look at a couple ways to go about recognizing these signs:

• Journal

If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it 1,000 times: start a freaking journal.

Listen, I emphasize this so much because it’s so valuable! Journal about anything and everything.

If absolutely nothing else comes from it, you’ll be amazed at the amount of growth you can look back on.

Grab a journal like this and just start writing!

• Talk about it

Sometimes it’s hard to actually see what exactly you’re doing wrong.

This is why it’s so important to have a small (or big, if you’re blessed) network of good and honest people by your side. And, I’m not just talking about your casual “bestfriends”.

I’m referring to the best of the best people in your life. The one(s) that you can call on whenever and they can calm you down, help you, and motivate you. You know, the real ones.

Now, I only have a few of these people in my life. But, I know they’re going to tell me how it is. They aren’t afraid of telling me when or if I’m doing/being wrong. 

If I’m being crazy, they tell me. If I’m standing in my own way, they tell me. Likewise, if I need to walk away from something, they tell me. If I can’t see sabotage or harm in my life, but they do- they tell me.

“Jess, I don’t have a single friend like that.”

First of all, email me. Seriously, talk to me. If you need a supportive friend, email me, message me on Facebook, or DM me on Instagram. (But, keep in mind, I am going to be real with you. I am not going to listen to self-sabotaging excuses.)

Secondly, check yourself. 

If you ‘think’ you have a lot of friends, but don’t have anyone like I just described, then you are surrounding yourself with people who are dragging you down with them.

If they aren’t motivating you, they’re holding you back.

So, walk away from who you need to. Here’s your sign to leave the bad energy behind and burn bridges. 

Start networking with like-minded individuals. Work with people who want to grow and succeed. Support people who are where you want to be. Build connections with those who you can grow with.

Step 2. Change your mindset and habits.

We started discussing mindset changed in our very first post in this series. And look a’here. It’s one of the top three steps on how to stop self-sabotaging.

Everything that we do, say, shame, support all stem from one thing: our thoughts. But, our thoughts stem from our mindset.

So, if you are self-sabotaging your life by your actions that are coming from your thoughts, change your mindset.

The hardest part of working through a mindset shift is that you have to do it alone. And, here’s the reason why- no one is in your head with you. No one else has the ability to track your thoughts. 

But, it is  V I T A L  that you begin shifting how you think and what you think about:

• Stop doubting your abilities.
• Start thinking highly and positively about yourself.
• Stop worrying about what others are going to think.
• Start working on what makes you happy.
• Stop living your life for other people.
• Start making life what you want it to be!

Step 3. Stop (and start).

Stop self-sabotaging and start working for your success. At the end of the day, you just have to stop. If you honestly want to know how to stop self-sabotaging your life, the answer itself really is that simple.

Just stop.

Once you recognize your self-sabotaging behavior(s) and shift your mindset to set yourself up for success, then just stop anything and everything that isn’t benefitting you.

Then, start working.

At the same time you are stopping self-sabotage, you need to begin working towards success and strive for growth.

I can’t tell you what’s stopping you. But, you have to figure it out and fix it. And, once you do, work to make sure you never let it get in your way again.

Success doesn’t come easy. Growth isn’t quick. Happiness won’t be effortless.

If you know what’s stopping you, why continue doing it?

If you know what needs to be done, why not do it?

If you found this post beneficial, or think it could be beneficial to your friends or family, make sure you share it to your social media or through texts and emails! 

I always love hearing from you, so don’t be afraid to drop a comment below, email me, or reach out to me on Instagram! 

(Oh! Also, don’t forget to check out our new Facebook page. That’s also a great way to stay up to date with our posts!)

We are so excited to have you working on your self-growth as we start tackling our self-sabotaging behavior to strive for our best selves!

As always, if you need a sign to take care of yourself: this is it.

See the self-sabotaging behaviors.

Change your mindset.

Just stop sabotaging and start growing.

Because as we all know:

you are the most vital character in your story!

*This post contains affiliate links. I do receive a small commission if you purchase a product using my link, with no addition cost to you! I promise that Becoming the Best Self will never promote anything that has not been used, fully looked into, or that we do not fully support!*

Related articles:

What is self-sabotage

Why do we self-sabotage

Self-sabotaging signs to look for

Examples of self-sabotaging behavior

Peace out, girl scouts!

… and always aim to be the best self you can be.

35 Self Sabotaging Examples

Being able to recognize the ways you are self sabotaging your growth and happiness is the first step in stopping these behaviors. We’re going to look at 35 examples of how we self sabotage.

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If you are looking for a sign to get out of bed, take a shower, walk outside, or a simple reminder that you are important: Here it is! This is your sign!

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Self Sabotaging Examples [Part 4]

PODCAST AVAILABLE

To stop our self sabotaging behavior, we have to know what needs to change.

Throughout this post, we’ll go through specific ways you may be self-sabotaging. If you find yourself saying, “Ooof. I definitely do that,” don’t worry!

At the end of this post we’ll focus on the top way to eliminate our self-sabotaging habits.

Before we get started, I want to let you know that this post is a part of our July series on self-sabotage.

Throughout the remainder of this month, we’re going to look at all things self-sabotage: what it is, how to stop, how it affects us and why we do it!

If you think you may be self-sabotaging your life, work, goals, or relationship(s), I promise you- you’re in the right place! 

 (Make sure you become our email friend by clicking here. This way, you can stay up to date throughout this series. We’ll let you know each time a new post is up and give you even more tips than these posts provide. Also, you’ll get first dibs on our freebies and products!)

35 Examples of Self Sabotaging Your Happiness

Work Behaviors

• You tell your employer or coworkers that you can do more than you actually can.
• You show up consistently late and unprepared.
• Even when you need the break, you never deny new projects because you fear the reaction from your employer.

Relationships

• You blame other people for the situation(s) you are in.
• Instead of practicing healthy communication, you choose to give the silent treatment.
• You choose not to be vulnerable for fear of someone taking advantage of you.
• You pay more attention to what your partner could fix, than what you could fix.
• Instead of listening to what your partner is trying to tell you, you turn on your self-defense.
• You justify your actions rather than trying to understand why your partner feels the way they do about your actions.

Self-confidence

• You constantly compare yourself to others.
• You are uncomfortable in situations where all, or even some, of the spotlight is on you.
• You feel like you are unworthy of happiness, success, love, etc.
• You don’t prioritizing learning who you are, what you offer, and how you work.
• When you see your peers gain success, you get jealous rather than proud.
• You question your purpose.

Energy Output

• You feel drained more often than you feel your best.
• Even when you know you should say no, you say yes and take on more than you can actually handle.
• Instead of choosing to focus on what’s going right, you focus on what’s going wrong.
• You do not have a monthly, weekly, or daily routine to stick with.

Health

• You don’t stay hydrated throughout the day.
• You easily talk yourself out of working out, even when you know you need to.
• You eat fast food for convenience, rather than prioritizing the time to fix healthier meals.
• You don’t prioritize working on your mental health and working through your trauma.
• Instead of finding something productive to work on, you binge eat when you are bored.

Self-care

• You push yourself without ever taking a break.
• You spend multiple hours on social media throughout your day.
• Watching a season of your favorite show on Netflix takes precedence over journaling, meditation, etc.
• You procrastinate the big tasks you need to get done rather than at least starting them.
• You spend more time drinking than you do sleeping.
• When you come to roadblock in your life, you swerve around it rather than try to fix it.
• You don’t like learning new things because it takes too much work.

Money Habits

• You impulse buy without considering if you have the funds to comfortably do so.
• You choose to overlook your budget often.
• You prioritize getting a morning coffee every day, even if you know you should be saving your money.
• Instead of saving money for luxury items, you put it on a credit card.

Overcoming Self-Sabotaging Behavior

First of all, I’m sure you didn’t relate to every single self sabotaging example I listed.

(Although, you might have, and that’s okay!)

Maybe, you just related to a few of these examples. (Even if the exact situation is slightly different.)

Regardless, self-sabotage is real and it can absolutely ruin your happiness.

Since we know these examples of self sabotaging behavior starts in our mind, we have to work on changing our mindset.

Shifting Your Mindset

I do understand that mindset changes don’t come easy.

But, our mindset determines how we live, what we get out of life, what we strive for, and how we help others.

Meaning, it’s pretty daggum important.

The first step in changing your mindset is to practice self-awareness.

You have to seriously focus on who you are, to understand what needs to change.

Then, to seriously stop self sabotaging your happiness, pay attention to your thoughts before they become actions.

If you find yourself thinking negatively about anything in your life (work, self-confidence, money, relationships), just stop.

Immediately change your mindset into a more positive and encouraging thought! That way, your following actions will push you towards happiness and growth. (Because I’m sure you know by now, self sabotaging behavior eliminates the possibility of living a thriving life.)

On the next post, we’ll go into more detail on how to stop self sabotaging our lives:

Can I Stop Self Sabotaging my Life?

Start eliminating these self sabotaging examples from your life!

If you found this post beneficial, or think it could be beneficial to your friends or family, make sure you share it to your social media or through texts and emails!

I always love hearing from you, so don’t be afraid to drop a comment below, email me, or reach out to me on Instagram! (Oh! Also, don’t forget to check out our new Facebook page. That’s also a great way to stay up to date with our posts!)

We are so excited to have you working on your self-growth as we start tackling our self-sabotaging behavior to strive for our best selves!

As always, if you need a sign to take care of yourself: this is it.

Change your mindset.

Recognize these behaviors.

Practice self-awareness.

Because as we all know:

you are the most vital character in your story!

Related Articles:

What is Self Sabotage

15 Reasons Why We self sabotage

Do You Self sabotage?

Peace out, girl scouts!

… and always aim to be the best self you can be.

What is the importance of self confidence?

(and how do I get it)

If you aren’t confident in who are you, how can anyone else be? Think about future employers, family, or even partners. Let’s talk about the importance of self confidence today.

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If you are looking for a sign to get out of bed, take a shower, walk outside, or a simple reminder that you are important: Here it is! This is your sign!

___________________________________________________________

Why do we need to have self confidence and how do we get it?

Let’s start with some vocabulary: self confidence, defined by Oxford, is a feeling of trust in one’s abilities, qualities, and judgment.

Ask yourself these 3 questions:

1. Do you know and trust your abilities?
2. Do you know and trust your qualities?
3. Do you know and trust your judgements?

If you answered yes, both knowing and trusting, to these questions, you are doing pretty good! But, stick around, because we’re going to talk about why knowing and trusting these things are important!

If you answered yes to a few, and no to others, you’re most likely going to get the absolute most out of this post because you are getting ready to go full force on self confidence!

If you answered no to all, or most, of these questions, I got you! We’re going to ease you into the process of gaining self confidence by teaching you the importance of it and how to begin achieving it!

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If you’ve been following us for awhile, you may remember that in our last post, we dug into 6 easy self care ideas, to keep things light after going through a 4 part trauma series! We learned how to use self care for self growth after learning how to grow from trauma, which are both HUGE topics!

Although our previous topics can lead to much needed self awareness, which could potentially result in self growth, I want to to look into something that can directly affect your self growth, that everyone can benefit from! (You know- in the name of all becoming our best self!)

Today, we’re going to talk about self confidence: what, how, and why!

In detail, we’ll be elaborating on the three questions I asked you at the beginning of this post! As usual, we’ll begin by learning what self confidence actually is. Then, we’ll look at finding your abilities, qualities, and judgments and then close by discussing some ways to boost your self confidence by trusting in what you are capable of!

You’ll also get a free self confidence weekly planner at the end of this post!

Self Confidence: What, Why, & How?

What is self confidence, really?

In true form, to begin working on something, we must first understand what exactly it is! So, let’s get right into learning!

I’m sure you’re thinking, “Jess, move on with this. We all know what self confidence is.” Which, I’m sure, is true. We probably all know what the definition is (especially since I stated it in the very first few sentences of this blog post), but let’s break the term down to fully understand what it is. Im going to keep this short and sweet, there’s just a couple things I want to make note of before we talk about why having self confidence is vital!

[There’s a difference between knowing and understanding.]

Let’s quickly look at some synonyms of self confidence to better grasp what we are looking for!

3 synonyms for confidence:

• • Trust
  • Belief
  • Dependence

3 synonyms for self confidence:

• • Self-awareness
  • Self-assertiveness
  • Self-reliance

What I want to make sure we get understand, here, is that none of the previously listed words had anything to do with physical appearance! Did you notice that? Meaning, if you don’t think you have high confidence because you don’t think you look like the photoshopped models on your Instagram feed- this is your reassurance that that is not confidence!

Yes, how you feel about your physical reflection can impact your overall view of your self confidence, but we need to, and are going to, look more within ourselves! We want to truly show self confidence through who we are. We want people to remember us for our personality, knowledge, and presence, not just by our exterior skin!

By the end of this post, I want you to feel confidant with who you are, not so much necessarily how you think you look!

Why do I need self confidence?

Okay, okay. I am not going to say that you won’t be able to make it in this crazy world without self confidence, but I will go as far to say you will have a greater chance of your life ultimately thriving if you do have self confidence!

Here’s the thing, if you don’t believe in yourself, why should anyone else?

I want you to truly think about that.

Let’s list a few reasons we actually need to have self confidence:

• Confident people aren’t afraid of failing!

  • You’ll push yourself to take action! If you are confident in yourself, you are more than likely going to do what it takes to become successful- because you know you have it in you! There really is a tremendous amount of power in believing in yourself! Since confidence is primarily trusting in your abilities, you’ll have the self confirmation that you are able to do anything you set your mind to!

Here’s the catch- you can’t be afraid of failing. Knowing and trusting you can do something doesn’t mean every opportunity will work out. Self confidence is trusting your purpose, and knowing it will come together at the right time!

Ultimately, if you have high, healthy self confidence, you won’t mind failing at some things. You’ll know that your qualities, abilities, and judgements will take you far in life, it just may take ample work getting to certain opportunities!

• Relationships can be at their best when both partners are [healthily] confident in who they are and what they bring to the table!

  • Think about it: if you know what you want and know what you offer, it’s very easy to eliminate options that don’t line up with you! But, if you aren’t confident in what you stand for, where your lines are, or how you want your life to be, how is someone else supposed to acknowledge those vital parts of you?

Although I am aiming more towards intimate relationships, this can certainly apply to relationships of all types.

Being able to express your needs within your relationship (spouse, business, friend) can be the groundworks for it to flourish! It’s also important to be able to reflect and express what you can put into this relationship! This works for two reasons:

1. 1. 1. You make known exactly what you can offer and want to gain from said relationship. Now, people can change (remember- growing means changing), but overall there won’t be disruption in having either parties needs met, due to knowing from the beginning what is expected.
      2. This gives you the opening chance to decide if this relationship is a good fit for you.
         • Do your goals line up?
         • Are you going to be able to help the other person get where they want to be? (This can be as simple as asking yourself if you would be a good support system, cheering them on.)
         • Will the other person be able to help you get where you want to be? (Once again, this can be as simple as asking yourself if they seem to be good supporters!)
         • Will you be holding one another back in some way, shape, or form?
         • Can you benefit more if you keep your distance?

Not all relationships are supposed to work, but that’s for a different post.

Don’t get me wrong- maintaining a good, healthy relationship takes work, on all levels! But, if you go into it knowing where you stand and what you stand for, and make those answers known, I have a good feeling your relationship will succeed!

I should add, though, that since you will hopefully be growing and changing over time, you should be reassessing this topic often and discussing it within your relationship(s) as things change. You need to know what you have to offer, and what you want to be offered, throughout the entirety of your relationship- not just the beginning.

• You will be more productive!

  • Since your confidence has you shooting for success, you will probably be more productive and proactive in doing what it takes to get where you want to be!

I’m a ‘journal-er’, so I love keeping a checklist of To-Do lists! It holds me accountable for getting things done! More days than not, my lists are filled with stuff for this blog, and other days it appears much shorter. But, I know and trust that I have the abilities and qualities to keep my blog caught up on fresh and educational content and grow my reach organically. With that, I know it is going to take a lot of work on both the back end and front end. But, I know I have the potential of success, so I keep doing it! I am more productive because I have the confidence in working on everything I need to, so that I can reap the benefits in the long run!

• You’ll live as authentically as you can and have the life you actually want!

• • This seriously makes sense. If you are confident in who you are, you won’t hesitate to be exactly who you are! Isn’t that a lovely thought?!

Now, the key to this is finding balance! You obviously need to have self confidence, but we don’t want your ego to be through the roof, right?!

You may have noticed that I have emphasized having *healthy* confidence in certain places throughout this post. That’s because, as with anything, there can always be too much. You don’t want to too much, I assure you.

“That sounds like a slippery slope, Jess.”

But, it’s really not! Your confidence is for you! It is an amazing thing we need!

It only starts becoming unhealthy when your focus shifts to pulling others down and/or relaying on an imaginary or alter ego.

To keep your confidence healthy, make sure you stay focused on growing yourself and forever pushing towards your success!

How do I boost my self confidence?

Here’s where we start really growing! It’s time to put the what and why together and learn the how!

I know the thought of working on confidence can make some nauseated, but I’m here to remind you not to make it harder than it has to be!

Self confidence begins forming when you start recognizing how absolutely incredible of a human being you are and have the potential to be!

(If you don’t think that you are wonderfully and beautifully made- let me tell you… I truly believe, with my whole heart, that you were created with purpose and more potential than you’ll ever be able to show.)

Let’s find some ways to boost our confidence:

• Look good, feel good!

Take that shower, wash your face, and brush your teeth! For my girls- throw on some mascara and for my guys- wear a button down!

We feel better when we present ourselves nicely, so don’t skim over this tip!

• Evaluate where you want to be in life and affirm that you will get there!

Remember when we talked about affirmations on our self care post? Let’s bring that back up for a second!

By affirming what you want out of life, and who you are, you’ll be telling the universe exactly what you plan to get!

• Stop comparing!

First of all, you are you. Why are you comparing people in different situations, to yourself? It’s really not fair to either of you. You control your life, they control theirs. A comparison of anyone does absolutely no good. So, STOP IT!

As much as I think social media can benefit society, it can harm far worse. I think we have all (including myself) compared ourselves to someone on our Instagram feed at least once while having our accounts.

But, why? Honest question, because I don’t understand why I do it either. We literally scroll through PICTURES, a brief moment of someone’s life, and suddenly we want it.

I have two points here:

1. 1. 1. You can’t focus on growing and succeeding in your own life if you’re too busy paying attention to what someone else is doing to theirs.
      2. You’ll never know 100% of someone’s life, so don’t compare your everyday life to the brightest moments they choose to filter up and post.

• Dream, think, and act positively!

MY DUDE– STOP THINKING NEGATIVELY!

If you feel like a gray cloud is following you everywhere, it’s probably because you aren’t focusing on the flowers growing from the rain!

Change your perspective to change your life!

• Break down your big goals with smaller goals!

Sometimes, our dreams seem so far from reality, we don’t even give them a chance to begin! If you take your biggest goal, and make each step to achieving it a smaller, more manageable and current goal, you’ll come to realize you’re capable of manifesting so much more than you probably think!

• Continuously reflect on who you want to be!

I know it may sound silly, but tell yourself who you are and who you want to be! Literally, out loud, right now, tell yourself that you are proud of what you’ve done, how far you’ve came, and who you are becoming!

You don’t have to like every single thing of your past to turn into exactly who you want to be- you just have to take the initiative of growing into that person!

• Smile!

I mean, can I just say- smiles are literally the clothing of confidence?

Smiles show happiness which shows confidence in who you are!

This, to me, is the simplest one, but also may be the most important. Seriously, smile. No matter how you feel, force a smile! I bet, if nothing else, it’ll make you feel 1% better at minimum!

“Jess, why are you acting like self confidence is so important?”

Well, my sweet, sweet friend. I am acting like self care is vital for you to thrive because it is.

Confidence helps you succeed.

By working on boosting your confidence, you begin to boost the chance of your dreams coming true!

It gives you the ability to truly believe you can do anything you set out to do- and if you believe you can, I promise you really can!

Last but not least, here’s the final trick I can give you and probably what you’ve been waiting on:

Click here to download your FREE self confidence planner!

This free PDF file comes with 9 pages!

As you start by documenting what you wish to accomplish this week, you’ll have daily (Sunday-Saturday) pages to list your goals! It closes out with a weekly review sheet, to look back on what you finished and how you felt throughout the week!

To download, all you have to do is click on this link or either of the two previous pictures!

In closing,

I need you to remember:

Healthy self confidence can be the difference in you succeeding and you failing.

Make the choice on which you would rather gain, and begin working at it!

If you want to have accountability on boosting your confidence, click either the mail or Instagram icons on this page and get in contact with me! I’d love to talk through your goals and help you succeed in any way I can!

I am going to ask you to drop a comment below and tell me 2 things you love about yourself!

As always, if you found this helpful, please share it with your friends and family! Our aim is helping everyone become their best self, so let’s get this message out!

As always, if you need a sign to take care of yourself: this is it.

List out your qualities!

Learn how to say no and when to say yes!

Find your self confidence!

Because as we all know:

you are the most vital character in your story!

Peace out, girl scouts!

… and always aim to be the best self you can be.

Related articles:

6 [Easy] Self Care Ideas 

54 Confidence Quotes for Women to get that quick boost

Your Dreams Just Need Your Permission