Why Do We Self-Sabotage?

It sounds absolutely crazy, right? The idea that we sabotage our own success and stand in our own way? But, if you could take your life back and stop limiting yourself, would you take the risk?

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If you are looking for a sign to get out of bed, take a shower, walk outside, or a simple reminder that you are important: Here it is! This is your sign!

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Self-Sabotage: The Why [Part 2]

PODCAST EP AVAILABLE

Before we get started, I want to let you know that this post is a part of our July series on self-sabotage.

Throughout the remainder of this month, we’re going to look at all things self-sabotage: what it is, how to stop, how it affects us and why we do it!

If you think you may be self-sabotaging your life, work, goals, or relationship(s), I promise you- you’re in the right place!

(Make sure you become our email friend by clicking here. This way, you can stay up to date throughout this series. We’ll let you know each time a new post is up and give you even more tips than these posts provide. Also, you’ll get first dibs on our freebies and products!)

When discussing ways to stop self-sabotaging behavior, knowing what is actually is can be one of the most important topics.

Self-sabotage is primarily when you halt your own personal development. (Which is the complete opposite of what we want you to be doing!)

There are many different indicators of self-sabotage behavior, but it all boils down to one thing: you. (Duh- ‘self’.)

It’s when you, even if you aren’t completely aware of it, are hindering your own growth and success.

*Jess, why would I sabotage my own life?*

Listen, this is a hard realization to come to. But, if you feel stagnant, complacent, or just merely aren’t reaching any of your goals, you are probably the reason.

(Bear with me- I’m preaching this to myself, too. *as High School Musical’s- ‘We’re all in this together’ plays*)

Self-sabotage isn’t always obvious and it certainly isn’t easy to recognize in yourself. But, we have to acknowledge our faults to fix them and become our best selves, right?

I’m encouraging you to be open-minded and accept your shortcomings today. If you know something is holding you back, but just can’t put your finger on what, question if it’s you.

If it is, that’s okay. We’re human. You are allowed to have flaws. We always need to work on becoming better, though!

Since we covered more of the details of what self-sabotage is in the first part of this series, we’re going to go ahead and look at why we self-sabotage today.

Why do I Self- Sabotage?

First of all, why is important to know why we self-sabotage?

Well, in Becoming the Best Self fashion, you can’t fix a problem if you don’t know the roots of it.

Think about it as a real plant and root problem. If you realize your plant isn’t growing or producing new leaves, what do you do?

Well, if you’re a plant person, you know you need to check the roots. Maybe it needs repotting.

Maybe it has root rot. Maybe it has a disease. Although some of these signs can be shown through the leaves, getting to the roots of the plant can be your final indicator.

We work the same way. Get to the root of the problem so you can realize what needs to be done.

15 Reasons Why We Self-Sabotage

1. Negative Perception of Self

Sometimes, we self-sabotage because we have a negative perception of who we are.

A negative perception of yourself is exactly what it sounds like: you negatively view who you are. In turn, this directly sabotages your life.

“Why should I strive for greatness when I have nothing to offer?”

Well, let me be the one to tell you- you have a TON to offer.

Do you know how beneficial just your CO2 is for our world? I mean, dang, even if that’s all you have to give right now, we need it.

Solution: Stop speaking negatively to, or about, yourself. For two reasons-

1. You limit yourself when you doubt your abilities.

1. You tell others how to treat you by showing them how you treat yourself.

2. Fear of ‘questioned’ success

Okay, this isn’t really the fear of success at all. The fear of questionable success is actually the fear of trying and not succeeding.

We then self-sabotage our ability to succeed, so we don’t have to worry about a failing outcome.

This is one of those mindset concepts, too.

We have a fear of failure. Which is understandable. But, how can you grow if you never let yourself fail?

Listen, we can’t be great at everything we start.

We can, though, learn from our failures and come back better!

Solution: Let yourself fail. Don’t be afraid to not succeed.

If you fail, assess the plan. Figure out what went wrong, and try again!

(Success normally takes trial and error. Give yourself the chance to fail so you can enjoy the success.)

3. Habit

We are comfortable self-sabotaging our lives.

Ew, that sounds so gross.

“I am comfortable ruining my own life.”

But, it’s true.

If you have self-sabotaging behavior, it probably happens without thought.

You don’t actively think, “I am going to stop working out and gain 20 pounds.”

But, you fall out of your gym routine, cancel your membership (because it’s just wasted money), and put on some weight.

If that sounds familiar, I feel you. But, that’s self-sabotage.

We do things so habitually, we don’t stop to think the outcome of our behaviors.

Solution: Pay attention to what you are doing. Before you make decisions, think about the benefits or disadvantages it can cause you.

4. Low sense of self-worth

This ties in with our first reason mentioned, but having a low sense of self-worth can be one of the main causes of self-sabotage.

If you don’t value your worth, why should you aim for success and happiness? You probably don’t deserve it anyways, do you?

GET OUT OF THIS MINDSET. JUST GET OUT OF IT.

You DO deserve the absolute best life you can live! You deserve to thrive. I need you to understand this.

You are worth more than you can ever fathom, I’m sure of it.

Solution: If you have a low sense of self-worth, we have to fix that.

It’s not a quick, or easy, fix, though.

I know I say it all the time, but start journaling. Journal about your thoughts, your successes (regardless of how small you deem them), what you love about yourself, etc.

Keep a ‘positivity journal’. Meaning the only things you write in your journal are encouraging. Don’t allow negativity to go on the pages.

When you start feel low about yourself, read back through your journal.

5. Lack of self-awareness

In similar terms to self-sabotaging habits, having a lack of self-awareness can throw a huge wedge in your personal development.

Self-awareness is obviously being aware of yourself. Right? But, are you? Or, are you sabotaging your life because you aren’t actually sure of who you are?

Solution: You have to be aware of who you are, what you are doing, and what you bring to the table.

And here’s the kicker- if you don’t like any of those answers, you are in charge of changing them.

You need to know your thoughts, too. We talk about changing your mindset on our post discussing what self-sabotage is. It’s so important that I’m bringing it up again.

Stay in control of your thoughts.

6. The Pity Party

Ah, misery loves company, doesn’t it?

If you allow yourself to become a member of the pity party, you are self-sabotaging your own happiness.

You can’t expect happiness if you are consumed with getting pity from yourself or others.

But, some people (maybe you, maybe me, maybe both) rely on hearing how sorry people feel for them.

By knowing other people feel bad for them, they can reassure themselves that they aren’t the problem- it’s their situation.

If this is you, knock it off, dude.

Solution: If you realize that you are pitying yourself, or looking for people to pity you, stop the action in its tracks.

Recognize that you are in control of your life. If you don’t like how something is going, work to change it.

Also- tough love time- understand that other people don’t thrive on hearing your problems.

Yes, some want to listen and help, but if you aren’t taking advice or working on fixing your problems, majority of your people aren’t going to just sit around and listen to you mope.

7. Laziness

Some self-sabotaging behavior comes directly from pure laziness.

It takes effort to succeed and reach your goals. It takes effort to work on your mental health and happiness.

Is this effort worth it? Absolutely.

Is everyone willing to put in the work? Absolutely not.

Laziness is like a disease. Once you get into the routine of not doing anything, it becomes really hard to start again.

But, most of the time, if you keep your momentum going, you’ll be driven to reach your final goals.

So, what stops us?! Self-sabotage.

Solution: Check out our post on productivity. If you stay productive, you’ll start seeing your hard work pay off! When it starts paying off, you’ll be more motivated to keep working towards your goals!

If you struggle with staying productive and want to live more intentionally, you can also check out this ultimate productivity bundle course! (It gives you an insane amount of tools and resources to help you plan, stay on track, and reach your goals.)

8. Low self-confidence

Just like having a low sense of self-worth, having low self-confidence can be a reason you are self-sabotaging.

Your self-confidence is what tells you what you can and can’t do.

Let me just say- I firmly believe you can do anything you set your mind to. But, you have to have the confidence to do so.

If you lack self-confidence, you’ll start limiting what you even attempt. (Self-sabotage, my friend.)

Solution: Read our post on self-confidence. If you learn to love yourself, you’ll realize you are capable of some terrific things.

Once you realize how powerful you are, you’ll stop self-sabotaging your life and abilities.

9. Fear of acknowledgement

This is for my shy, or more reserved, peeps.

A lot of people will self-sabotage for the mere sake of not wanting people to notice them.

For some people, the idea of success seems terrifying because they will then be receiving more attention.

Think about it: if you are being promoted at work, you’ll most likely start receiving a lot of congratulatory comments, right?

Which can be a good thing, but there are people that just want to blend in.

Which is okay. Blending in isn’t bad. Standing out isn’t bad. You being you isn’t bad.

But, if you are self-sabotaging your success and growth because you want to avoid uncomfortable things, that is bad.

Solution: Now, if you are a confident and outgoing individual, this probably sounds absurd to you.

But, if you are sitting there thinking, “Okay, wait, this kind of sounds like me,” then let’s talk about it.

Just like #8, work on your self-confidence.

Even if you still don’t want to be noticed, having a higher self-confidence will give you the ability to- get this– be confident in these situations.

10. Control of failure(s)

I get this one. Boy, do I get this one.

Sometimes we self-sabotage because we want to be in control if things go down in flames.

You don’t want to *fully* go for anything, because you’re scared of what may happen.

This is almost like being one foot and one foot out.

Yes, you want success. Yes, you know how to get it. Yes, you are afraid to fail.

No, you don’t allow yourself to take the risk.

Solution: If you’re in control of your failure, at least it didn’t ‘just happen’, right?

Wrong. If you are trying to control how you fail, you’re not setting yourself up to succeed.

Let yourself fail, however it may be.

Set your goal, make your plan, and start it. Then, let it play out.

If you fail, look at what went wrong and THEN try to fix it.

Don’t try to fix failures before you give them the chance to succeed.

11. Trauma

As you may know, we have an entire series on this blog about trauma.

But, trauma can be a leading cause in self-sabotage.

Understanding that the things that happened to you growing up, and throughout every stage of your life, affects your entire future is wild. (And, scary.)

If you grew up being told you aren’t enough, you won’t make it, or you can’t succeed- that will probably stick with you.

But, you have control over your trauma. As crazy as it may sound, you can fix yourself.

Also, I’m still here to remind you again- you are enough. You can do anything. And, you can and will succeed.

Solution: You are the one that decides if you let your trauma define you or if you decide to grow from it. (Hint- I recommend growing from it!)

You should also check out our trauma series. We go into detail on recognizing and growing from trauma.

12. Overestimating our abilities

Oop, sometimes we think we can do more than we actually can.

Do you ever procrastinate because you know you can get it done the last minute? (Because, same.)

But, no matter what your argument is, you 100% will never do your best work under pressure.

Therefore, you are self-sabotaging your ability to be your best and do your best.

Or, maybe, you keep saying ‘yes’ to everything you’re asked when you know you already have a full plate.

We have a post that touches on saying no. You have to protect your energy.

How can you be your best self if you are spread thin?

Solution: Stop taking on more than you can handle. Stop waiting until the last minute to get things done. Stop self-sabotaging your time.

13. Insecurity

We’re going to come back to this in a separate post to this series. But, you can self-sabotage because of your insecurities.

This is SO common in relationships. We sabotage our relationship because we are scared to build that trust. (Same. #workingonit)

We ruin things that are meant to be so special, because we choose to let the fear of intimacy, rejection, or trust take priority.

Solution: Well, for starters, we have to understand that we can’t live a happy life without ever building relationships.

Then, you have to work on slowly breaking your own walls. Don’t depend on someone else to prove themselves to you. Don’t make your partner fight to just understand you.

Practice healthy communication. If you struggle with insecurities, tell the people you’re close to.

And, as far as trust goes- if you want to know something, ask. (1. This is how you communicate. 2. This is how you build trust. 3. If they don’t want to answer (obviously depending on the situation), that’s your red flag.

14. Avoidance

This follows along with procrastinating, but we self-sabotage by avoiding our responsibilities.

This could just be avoiding something we don’t want to do. Or, it could be avoiding something because we know the work may be hard. Or, we might avoid things because we’re scared of failure. (Sound familiar?)

But, when you avoid the things you need to do, you are only setting yourself back.

Solution: Why avoid something that can catapult your success? Regardless of the time or energy it will take, if it can help you- why not go ahead and do it?

Change your mindset when it comes to avoiding your responsibilities.

If you go to talk yourself out of something you know needs to get done, ask yourself: “If I do this, will it help me?”

If the answer is yes, just go do it.

15. The blame game

Just like the pity party, self-sabotage thrives in blame games.

Not only does blame fault other people on their own successes, it hinders your ability to grow.

If you don’t like taking responsibility for your life, this is for you.

Solution: Stop blaming other people for where you are.

Stop blaming other people when you don’t get what you want.

Stop blaming other people because you didn’t put in the work.

You are, once again, in control of your life. Make it what you want.

Stop self sabotaging your ability to grow.

I know that today was a longer one, but it’s important to know why we do the things we do. That’s the whole point of our “how we work” section.

If you’ve made it this far, congratulations! You’re becoming your best self.

The more knowledge we have and the more we focus on understanding ourselves significantly catapults our growth!

On the next post, we’ll look at ways to recognize self-sabotage: Am I full of Self-Sabotage?

If you found this post beneficial, or think it could be beneficial to your friends or family, make sure you share it to your social media or through texts and emails!

I always love hearing from you, so don’t be afraid to drop a comment below, email me, or reach out to me on Instagram! (Oh! Also, don’t forget to check out our new Facebook page. That’s also a great way to stay up to date with our posts!)

We are so excited to have you working on your self-growth as we start tackling our self-sabotaging behavior to strive to become our best selves!

As always, if you need a sign to take care of yourself: this is it.

Understand why you self-sabotage.

Start reaching your goals.

Change your mindset.

Because as we all know:

you are the most vital character in your story!

Why Do We Self-Sabotage?